Learning alphabets the Punjabi way

Learning Alfabet the Panjaabi way! 

A is for Aiscreame

B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your butt. It is an instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or whatever.

C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g. 'Defence Cloney'.

D is for the proverbial 'Dangar da Puttar'

E is for Expanditure, the spending of money

F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is actually just the front of a building

G is for Gaddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his gaddi puts any F1 driver to shame.

H is for 'Ho Jayega Ji', and the moment you hear that you have to be careful because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.

I is for Intzaar, and to know more about it see P.

J is for Jutt, which every Punjabi seems to be.

K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses (e.g.'Keeping up with the Khuranas ji')

L is for Loin, the king of the jungle

M is for 'Mrooti', the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love with.

N is for 'No Problem Ji.' To find out how that works see H.

O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger (OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy...).

P is for Punj Mint, and no matter how near (1 km) or far(100 km) a Punjabi is from you he always says he'll reach you in punj mint (5 minutes...).

Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslatable into Punjabi - does not exist in the culture.

R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one (risk), even if the odds are against him.

S is for Sweetie, Sunny, Simmi and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in Delhi .

T is for the official bird of Punjab : Tandoori Chickun.

U is for when you lose your sex appeal and become 'Uncul-ji'

V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 15 lakh and counting.

W is for Whan, as in 'Whan are you coming, ji?'

X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in Punjabi conversations.

Y is for 'You nonsanse', when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting match.

Z is for Zindgi which every Punjabi knows how to live to the fullest!

The Art of Appraisal

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is “average”.

David: What? How come ‘average’?

Big Boss: Because…err. ..uhh…you lack domain knowledge.

David: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

David: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn’t see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

David: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don’t like about you. You give excuse for everything.

David: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

David: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on “Business Communication”, you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr…well. .I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

David: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That’s why you need to learn about it.

David: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

David: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err…anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only ‘average’.

David: Last year that process gave me ‘excellent’. This year just ‘average’? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That’s a complicated process. You don’t want to hear.

David: I’ll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets ‘average’, whichever lands on table gets ‘good’, whichever we manage to catch gets ‘excellent’ and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets ‘outstanding’.

David: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets ‘poor’ rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

David: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for ‘outstanding’?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

David: *faints*

Rajini all the way

Why did the British leave INDIA iN 1947? 

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Because they came to kNow a baby Named RajiNikaNth will be borN iN 1949!! 

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The newly got symbol for the rupee is actually rajnikanth''s signature. 

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Rajnikanth once wrote his autobiography... 

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Today that book is known as Guiness Book of World records.. 

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1+0=1 

1*0=0 

1-0=1 

den 

1/0=? 

dis was d qstion 1ce asked 2 RAJNIKANTH nd he said, 

"I dnt kno!" 

Thats why it's declared as 

"Not Defined"..! 

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Rajnikanth doesn't shave... 

he just looks in the mirror and dares hairs to grow...!! 

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Part of apple's logo dat is missing was eaten by Rajnikanth... 

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Once while playing Rajnikanth said "STATUE" to a person......... 

Now that person is known as "STATUE OF LIBERTY".... 

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** Breaking news ** 

Rajnikanth...... 

got shot yesterday . . 

today is the bullet''s funeral...!! 

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What is that rajnikanth can do..that we cant even think of doin it..?! 

He can answer a missed call.! 

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Breaking News: 

Rajnikanth Presented A Cheque 

& 

;-)The Bank Bounced:-D 

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Did U ever wonder...?? 

Wat does GOD exclaim when he is shocked? 

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. 

'Oh my RAJNIKANTH!!!!!' 

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Government pays TAX to Rajnikant for working in India........... 

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Awesum fact.., 

Rajnikant has counted infinity twice.! 

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Rajnikant creats his new mail i.d. 

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Gmail@rajnikant.com 

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USA POWER 

vs 

INDIAN POWER 

USA- 

10000 nuclear weapons, 600000 army, 10000 tanks, 

12000 air force, 3000 ships 

INDIA- 

*RAJNIKANTH* 

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Once Dinosaurs borrowed money from Rajnikanth and refused to pay him back... 

That was the last time anyone saw Dinosaurs... 

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A child went2 Kashmir& startd playing by making small mountains from ice. 

Today those mountains are called "Himalyas" 

& 

That child name is 

RAJNIKANTH 

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FaceBooK founder Mark Zukerberg hospitalized with serious injury.. 

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Rajnikanth poked him on Facebook. 

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Why does rajnikanth wear sunglasses? 

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To protect the sun from his eyes! 

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a 22 whealer huge truck once met with an accident against RAJINIKANTH 

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Since then, 

it is called TATA NANO. 

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Rajinikanth once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald's, 

and got it. 

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Rajinikanth does push-ups, 

he isn't lifting himself up. 

He is pushing the earth down. 

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Basketball player to RAJNIKANT: 

I can spin a ball on my finger for 2 hours ... can u ??? 

rajnikanth: yena rascala, how do u think the earth spins?? mind it... 

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Spider man,superman,batman,james bond, ironman, shaktiman, krish all visited rajnikanth. 

Do u know which day it was? 

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GURU POURNIMA! 

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BREAKING NEWS..... 

FACEBOOK HAS NOW JOINED ""RAJNIKANTH"" 

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Once when rajnikant was playing cricket ,he played a defensive shot... 

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And now that ball is called... 

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" PLUTO " 

Rajnikant once threw a coin in disgust at a black beggar, 

he is now called 50 cent..!! 

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RAJNIKANT enters BIGG BOSS 4... 

next day ... 

RAJNIKANT chahte hai ki BIGG BOSS confession room me aayein!!! 

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Rajnikanth once farted after a heavy meal... 

The gas today is known as ozone layer 

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Once a guy winked at Rajnikanth's wife, Rajni twisted his limbs and broke his eyelid. 

We now know him as Baba Ramdev.. 

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Rajnikanth and Superman once had arm wrestled and the loser had to wear his Underwear over his pants.. 

We all know who won..!! 

Marriage Humor

Wife:          'What are you doing?'   

Husband:    "Nothing" 

Wife:          'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.' 

Husband:     'I was looking for the expiry date.'   

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Wife :       'Do you want dinner?'   

Husband:       'Sure! What are my choices?'   

Wife:          'Yes or no.'      

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Stress Reliever 

Girl:       'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'   

Boy:       'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'   

Girl:       'Well that's because we aren't married yet.' 

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Son:       'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'   

Mom:    'Well, you have done the right thing.'   

Son:       'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'   

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A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'   

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'   

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A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'   

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'    

Husbands are husbands 

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the Head with a frying pan. 

'What was that for?' the man asked. 

The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'. 

The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on' 

The wife apologized and went on with the housework. 

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. 

Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. 

Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned' 

  

Oxymoron

Oxymoron 

An oxymoron is usually defined as a phrase in which two words of contradictory meaning are brought together:- 

 Read till end J 

Ex:-

1) Clearly misunderstood

2) Exact Estimate

3) Small Crowd

4) Act Naturally

5) Found Missing

6) Fully Empty

7) Pretty ugly

8) Seriously funny

9) Only choice

10) Original copies

And Mother of all the above is...... 

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11) Happily Married J