Laugh and Enjoy

Learning alphabets the Punjabi way

2011-07-31T01:07:00.000-07:00

Learning Alfabet the Panjaabi way!

A is for Aiscreame

B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your butt. It is an instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or whatever.

C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g. 'Defence Cloney'.

D is for the proverbial 'Dangar da Puttar'

E is for Expanditure, the spending of money

F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is actually just the front of a building

G is for Gaddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his gaddi puts any F1 driver to shame.

H is for 'Ho Jayega Ji', and the moment you hear that you have to be careful because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.

I is for Intzaar, and to know more about it see P.

J is for Jutt, which every Punjabi seems to be.

K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses (e.g.'Keeping up with the Khuranas ji')

L is for Loin, the king of the jungle

M is for 'Mrooti', the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love with.

N is for 'No Problem Ji.' To find out how that works see H.

O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger (OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy...).

P is for Punj Mint, and no matter how near (1 km) or far(100 km) a Punjabi is from you he always says he'll reach you in punj mint (5 minutes...).

Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslatable into Punjabi - does not exist in the culture.

R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one (risk), even if the odds are against him.

S is for Sweetie, Sunny, Simmi and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in Delhi .

T is for the official bird of Punjab : Tandoori Chickun.

U is for when you lose your sex appeal and become 'Uncul-ji'

V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 15 lakh and counting.

W is for Whan, as in 'Whan are you coming, ji?'

X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in Punjabi conversations.

Y is for 'You nonsanse', when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting match.

Z is for Zindgi which every Punjabi knows how to live to the fullest!

The Art of Appraisal

2011-07-30T01:04:00.000-07:00

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is “average”.

David: What? How come ‘average’?

Big Boss: Because…err. ..uhh…you lack domain knowledge.

David: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

David: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn’t see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

David: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don’t like about you. You give excuse for everything.

David: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

David: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on “Business Communication”, you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr…well. .I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

David: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That’s why you need to learn about it.

David: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

David: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err…anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only ‘average’.

David: Last year that process gave me ‘excellent’. This year just ‘average’? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That’s a complicated process. You don’t want to hear.

David: I’ll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets ‘average’, whichever lands on table gets ‘good’, whichever we manage to catch gets ‘excellent’ and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets ‘outstanding’.

David: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets ‘poor’ rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

David: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for ‘outstanding’?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

David: *faints*

Rajini all the way

2011-07-29T01:01:00.000-07:00

Why did the British leave INDIA iN 1947?

Because they came to kNow a baby Named RajiNikaNth will be borN iN 1949!!

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The newly got symbol for the rupee is actually rajnikanth''s signature.

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Rajnikanth once wrote his autobiography...

Today that book is known as Guiness Book of World records..

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1+0=1

1*0=0

1-0=1

den

1/0=?

dis was d qstion 1ce asked 2 RAJNIKANTH nd he said,

"I dnt kno!"

Thats why it's declared as

"Not Defined"..!

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Rajnikanth doesn't shave...

he just looks in the mirror and dares hairs to grow...!!

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Part of apple's logo dat is missing was eaten by Rajnikanth...

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Once while playing Rajnikanth said "STATUE" to a person.........

Now that person is known as "STATUE OF LIBERTY"....

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** Breaking news **

Rajnikanth......

got shot yesterday . .

today is the bullet''s funeral...!!

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What is that rajnikanth can do..that we cant even think of doin it..?!

He can answer a missed call.!

=================================

Breaking News:

Rajnikanth Presented A Cheque

;-)The Bank Bounced:-D

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Did U ever wonder...??

Wat does GOD exclaim when he is shocked?

'Oh my RAJNIKANTH!!!!!'

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Government pays TAX to Rajnikant for working in India...........

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Awesum fact..,

Rajnikant has counted infinity twice.!

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Rajnikant creats his new mail i.d.

Gmail@rajnikant.com

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USA POWER

INDIAN POWER

USA-

10000 nuclear weapons, 600000 army, 10000 tanks,

12000 air force, 3000 ships

INDIA-

*RAJNIKANTH*

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Once Dinosaurs borrowed money from Rajnikanth and refused to pay him back...

That was the last time anyone saw Dinosaurs...

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A child went2 Kashmir& startd playing by making small mountains from ice.

Today those mountains are called "Himalyas"

That child name is

RAJNIKANTH

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FaceBooK founder Mark Zukerberg hospitalized with serious injury..

Rajnikanth poked him on Facebook.

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Why does rajnikanth wear sunglasses?

To protect the sun from his eyes!

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a 22 whealer huge truck once met with an accident against RAJINIKANTH

Since then,

it is called TATA NANO.

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Rajinikanth once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald's,

and got it.

==============================

Rajinikanth does push-ups,

he isn't lifting himself up.

He is pushing the earth down.

==============================

Basketball player to RAJNIKANT:

I can spin a ball on my finger for 2 hours ... can u ???

rajnikanth: yena rascala, how do u think the earth spins?? mind it...

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Spider man,superman,batman,james bond, ironman, shaktiman, krish all visited rajnikanth.

Do u know which day it was?

GURU POURNIMA!

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BREAKING NEWS.....

FACEBOOK HAS NOW JOINED ""RAJNIKANTH""

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Once when rajnikant was playing cricket ,he played a defensive shot...

....

And now that ball is called...

" PLUTO "

Rajnikant once threw a coin in disgust at a black beggar,

he is now called 50 cent..!!

===========================================

RAJNIKANT enters BIGG BOSS 4...

next day ...

RAJNIKANT chahte hai ki BIGG BOSS confession room me aayein!!!

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Rajnikanth once farted after a heavy meal...

The gas today is known as ozone layer

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Once a guy winked at Rajnikanth's wife, Rajni twisted his limbs and broke his eyelid.

We now know him as Baba Ramdev..

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Rajnikanth and Superman once had arm wrestled and the loser had to wear his Underwear over his pants..

We all know who won..!!

Marriage Humor

2011-07-28T01:00:00.000-07:00

Wife: 'What are you doing?'

Husband: "Nothing"

Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.'

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Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'

Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'

Wife: 'Yes or no.'

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Stress Reliever

Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'

Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'

Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

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Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'

Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'

Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'

________________________________

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

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A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'

Husbands are husbands

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the Head with a frying pan.

'What was that for?' the man asked.

The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.

The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'

The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.

Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.

Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'

Oxymoron

2011-07-27T00:55:00.000-07:00

Oxymoron

An oxymoron is usually defined as a phrase in which two words of contradictory meaning are brought together:-

Read till end J

Ex:-

1) Clearly misunderstood

2) Exact Estimate

3) Small Crowd

4) Act Naturally

5) Found Missing

6) Fully Empty

7) Pretty ugly

8) Seriously funny

9) Only choice

10) Original copies

And Mother of all the above is......

11) Happily Married J

Rajnikant and Amitabh

2011-07-26T00:56:00.000-07:00

Rajnikanth was bragging to Amitabh Bachchan one day, "You know, I know everyone. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them. Tired of his boasting,Amitabh called his bluff, "OK, Rajini how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it"Rajini said.

So Rajini and Amitabh fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, And sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts: ---

"Thalaiva! Great to see you!

You And your friends come right in and join me for lunch!"

...Although impressed,Amitabh is still skeptical.

After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Rajini that he thinks Rajini knowing Cruise was Just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else" Rajini says .."President Obama", Amitabh quickly retorts

..."Yes",Rajini says, "I know him."

And off they go.

At the White House, Obama spots Rajini on the tour and motions him, saying :----

"Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up".

Well, AmitabhBachchan is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White House grounds, he implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," Amitabh Bachan replies

..."Sure!" says Rajini,

"My folks are from Italy and I've known the Pope a long time".

Rajini and Amitabh are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Rajini says,

"This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people.

Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican ..

Sure enough, half an hour laterRajini emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

But by the time Rajini returns, he finds that Amitabh Bachchan has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way toAmitabhBachchan's side, Rajini asks him, What happened?"

AmitabhBachan looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the pope came out on the balcony and the Italian man next to me asked,

"Who's that on the balcony with Rajini?"

Kick start words

2011-07-25T00:51:00.000-07:00

Why do we sometimes write 'etc' at the end in the exam?

bcoz it means...

E-End of

T-thinking

C-capacity.

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How to Create d Biggest Doubt in ur Wife's Mind 4 u?

Just Suddenly send her SMS Saying..

"I Luv u too"

GAME OVER.!

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When do you knw ur in love?

Ans. When you start searching for the cheapest mobile plan

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Wht is the Diff b/w

Young Age & Old Age?

Simple..

In Young Age

Phone Is Full Of Darlings Numbers..

In Old Age

Its Full of Doctors Numbers..!-

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"Why is Facebook such a hit?

It works on the principle that-

'People are more interested in others life than their own-!

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A Ques Asked In A Talent Test:

If You Are Married To 1 Of The Twin Sisters, How wud You Recognize Your WIFE?

The Best Answer

- Why d Hell Should I recognise?

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V Pronounce 22 as TwentyTwo, 33 as Thirty Three,

44 as FortyFour,

55 as FiftyFive, Why not 11 as OnetyOne?

Doubt By last bench asociation...

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What is the diff.between"GHAZAL" &"LECTURE"?Every word spoken by the girlfriend is "GHAZAL"andEvery word spoken by wife is "LECTURE"

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Wats d diff btwn Pongal n idly?think.think..think...U ll get a holiday for pongal but not for idly.

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What will be the girl's name born on 1st of APRIL? Guess Guess Guess Guess "FOOLAN DEVI..

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Why does d bride & groom xchange garlands at d time of wedding..... B'coz they say each affectionately that : "DARLING NOW U R DEAD"...........

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What is the height of confusion? Two earth worms Playing HIDE AND SEEK in a Plate full of noodles.

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Wat is d Biggest Benefit of having a crush in d same college where u study ?

100% Attendence... :-P

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QUES - Where can u see mangoes? On mango trees? NO.At fruit shop? WRONG AGAIN....Fir kaha?

ANS - Jaha jaha women go,piche piche Man(goes).

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Teacher: What Is The Difference HIMAMI

SUNAMI ?

Tintu: HIMAMI is Face Wash,

SUNAMI is Total Wash.!

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Difference between Friend & Wife

U can Tell ur Friend

“U r my Best Friend”

But

Do u have courage tell to ur Wife

“U r my Best Wife?”

Two questions in life

2011-07-24T01:22:00.000-07:00

Life really boils down to 2 questions...

1. Should I get a dog.....?

OR... 2. Should I have children?

No matter what situations life throws at you....

No matter how long and treacherous your journey may seem..

Remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Benefits of Yoga and Drinking

2011-07-23T01:18:00.000-07:00

Research confirms that drinking Alcohol gives you the same benefits yoga does !!!

Savasana : Position of total relaxation.

Yoga Drinking

Balasana : Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm

Yoga Drinking

Setu Bandha Sarvangasana : This position calms the brain and heals tired legs

Yoga Drinking

Marjayasana : Position stimulates the midriff area and the spinal column

Yoga Drinking

Halasana : Excellent for back pain and insomnia

Yoga Drinking

Dolphin : Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms.

Yoga Drinking

Salambhasana : Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms.

Yoga Drinking

Ananda Balasana : This position is great for massaging the hip area.

Yoga Drinking

Malasana : This position, for ankles and back muscles.

Yoga Drinking

English Hospitality ??

2011-07-22T00:59:00.000-07:00

An American tourist in London wanders around , seeing the sights and occasionally stopping at some small pub to have a pint of beer. After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighbourhood with stately residences. No pubs, no restaurants, and worst of all - no public restrooms. However, he really has to pee, after all those pints of beer.

He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem. Imediately, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobby, who says, "Sir, you simply cannot do that here."

"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really have to pee, and I just can't find a public restroom."

"Just follow me" says the Bobby. Then he leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens. "In there," points the Bobby, Whiz away sir, anywhere you like."

The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, big fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of flowers.

After releiving himself, he goes back through the gate. He thanks the Bobby, "That was really nice of you. Is that what you call English hospitality? "

"No sir...” replied the Bobby, "that is what we call the American Embassy!"

Appraisal Tshirt collection

2011-07-21T00:54:00.000-07:00

Good to read

2011-07-20T00:53:00.000-07:00

Physics would have been much much easier...

If..

The Tree itself had Fallen On Newton 's Head Instead of the Apple..!!

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WHICH IS THE MOST DANGEROUS ALPHABET OF ALL?

"W"!!

B'COZ ALL WORRIES START WITH "W"

WHO?

WHY?

WHAT?

WHEN?

WHICH?

WHOM?

WHERE?

WAR!

AND FINALLY

WIFE....!

*******************************************************

GOD: I Can’t Be Everywhere So I Created MOTHERS

DEVIL: I Can’t Be Everywhere So I Created GIRLS.

GOD: Don’t Worry I Have Created BOYS

To Change Them To MOTHERS!

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Moral of the movie ROBOT-

A girl can not only spoil a man but even machines!

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When Alchohol is consumed,

Whatever is in the mind comes out...

So I suggest all students to drink before writing exams.

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You know a Crazy fact of today’s generation:

Once upon a time, GIRLS used to cook like their mothers.

But now they drink like their Fathers...!!!

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A Sign At A Petrol pump ...

"Plz ... Don't Smoke Here ...

Your Life May Be Worthless,

But Petrol Certainly Isn't...!"

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The real problem does not start when a boy starts looking at a girl.

It begins when she turn back and gives a smile.

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If u r with 1 girl its Anand...

If u r with 2 girls its Mahanand...

If u r with 3 girls its Parmanand but

If u r with many girls then u must b Swami Nityanand.

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Imagine U join NASA

After 1 month The Americans will have to change

The name from NASA to.. SARVANASA

*******************************************************

The Trouble With The World Is That,

The Stupids Are Full Of Confidence

And The Intelligents Are Full Of Doubts

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A student grabbed a coin, Flipped it in the air & said,

“Head, I go to sleep.”Tail, I watch a movie.

If it stands on the edge I’ll study.

Careers based on results

2011-07-20T00:51:00.000-07:00

Most 'First Class' students get technical seats, some become Doctors and some Engineers.

* The 'Second Class' pass, and then pass MBA, become Administrators and control the 'First Class'.

The 'Third Class' pass, enter politics and become Ministers and control both.

* Last, but not the least, The 'Failures' join the underworld and control all the above.

Black robbers

2011-01-13T05:08:00.000-08:00

On a recent weekend in Atlantic City , a woman won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she wanted to stash the quarters in her room. 'I'll be right back and we'll go to eat,' she told her husband and carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.

As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black. One of them was tall... very tall... an intimidating figure. The woman froze. Her first thought was: 'These two are going to rob me.' Her next thought was: 'don't be a bigot; they look like perfectly nice gentlemen.'

But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her. She stood and stared at the two men. She felt anxious, flustered and ashamed. She hoped they didn't read her mind, but they had to know what she was thinking!!!

Her hesitation about joining them in the elevator was all too obvious now. Her face was flushed. She couldn't just stand there, so with a mighty effort of will she picked up one foot and stepped forward and followed with the other foot and was on the elevator.

Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and face the elevator doors as they closed. A second passed, and then another second, and then another. Her fear increased! The elevator didn't move. Panic consumed her. 'Oh my,' she thought, 'I'm trapped and about to be robbed!' Her heart plummeted. Perspiration poured from every pore.

Then one of the men said, 'Hit the floor.' Instinct told her to do what they told her. The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and collapsed on the elevator floor. A shower of coins rained down on her. 'Take my money and spare me,' she prayed.

More seconds passed. She heard one of the men say politely, 'Ma'am, if you'll just tell us what floor you're going to, we'll push the button.' The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out. He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh. The woman lifted her head and looked up at the two men. They reached down to help her up. confused, she struggled to her feet.

'When I told my friend here to hit the floor,' said the average sized one, 'I meant that he should hit the elevator button for our floor. I didn't mean for you to hit the floor, ma'am.' He spoke genially. He bit his lip. It was obvious he was having a hard time not laughing.

The woman thought: 'Oh my, what a spectacle I've made of myself.' She was too humiliated to speak. She wanted to blurt out an apology, but words failed her. How do you apologize to two perfectly respectable gentlemen for behaving as though they were going to rob you? She didn't know what to say.

The three of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her bucket. When the elevator arrived at her floor they then insisted on walking her to her room. She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she might not make it down the corridor. At her door they bid her a good evening.

As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring with laughter as they walked back to the elevator. The woman brushed herself off. She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her husband.

The next morning flowers were delivered to her room--a dozen roses!

Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred dollar bill.

The card said: 'Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years.'

It was signed;

Eddie Murphy

Michael Jordan

Taking it as it is

2011-01-12T04:52:00.000-08:00

Customer : Waiter, do you serve pigs?

Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lady : Is this my train?

Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi .

Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

Rupee symbol interpretation

2011-01-11T04:44:00.000-08:00

Hope !!!!!

2011-01-10T00:39:00.000-08:00

Ek Gadha : Yaar mera malik mujhe bahut maarta hai

Dusara Gadha : To tu bhag kyun nahi jata ?

Pehla gadha : Bhag toh jaata...Par future yahaan bahut bright hai. Malik ki khubsoorat beti jab shararat karti hai, toh malik kehta hai , " Teri shaadi gadhe se kar doonga" !!

Bas isi umeed mein baita hoon !!!

Thoughts from Man's heart

2011-01-09T05:03:00.000-08:00

Thought 1

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers. When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity. When we die, our widows get the life insurance. What do women want to be liberated from?

Thought 2

The average man's life consists of: Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going, Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering too where he is going.

Thought 3

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride. The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced :'Ladies and Gentlemen. Today is the luckiest day of my life ...' Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit Card to me.'The whole audience including the priest started laughing . . . . But not the poor Groom!!!

And now the Best one. . . . .

Thought 4

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, 'If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, 'Stop ! Stand still ! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.'The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked. 'Who are you? ''I am your guardian angel,' the voice answered.'Oh, yeah?' the man said 'And where the Hell were you when I got married?'

Men and women talk

2011-01-08T04:59:00.000-08:00

Two women friends chatting in office:

Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?

Woman 2: It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?

Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: How was your evening?

Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! After all, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!

Computer savvy

2011-01-07T04:54:00.000-08:00

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.

4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his bathtub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "Bad and an invalid." The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer." The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse...

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" implied removing Disk 1 first.

10. A story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:

CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

TECH: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

CALLER: "The cup holder on my PC is broken -and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

TECH: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

CALLER: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

TECH: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

CALLER: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard.The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and it had snapped it off the drive.

11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows."

The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point.

The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine."

12. And last but not least:

TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

CUSTOMER: "I don't have a 'P'".

TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."

CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"

TECH SUPPORT: " 'P' on your keyboard, Bob."

CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!"

Santa and Banta

2010-09-18T06:09:00.000-07:00

After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Kerala Express. Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.

Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."

**************************************************************************

Santa and Banta work in a software company. One day, they were to move their computers to another building. Banta was having a tough time carrying his machine.

Santa : "My Computer has 250GB disk. See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 120 GB. Can't you carry even this much?"

Banta : "But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!

**************************************************************************

While visiting Santa's house, Banta noticed that he had replaced his usual TV with a smaller model.Thinking that perhaps the larger set has broken down, Banta asked why the small one was there.

"Oh," Santa replied, "I have decided to watch less TV."

**************************************************************************

Banta: You cheated me with this radio.

Santa (shop keeper): No, I sold a good radio to you.

Banta: Radio label shows 'Made in Japan' but the radio says

'This is all India Radio'!

*************************************************************************

Banta as the carpenter

Banta was a carpenter on a building site, he rushed up to the site engineer. "Sir, Sir!" he cried, "Someone just dropped a knife from the top of the scaffold and sliced my ear off!"

The site engineer immediately organized a search party to find the ear in the hope that micro-surgeon would be able to sew it on again, if it was well-preserved in ice and taken immediately to the hospital in a thermos flask.

"Here it is!" cried one of the searchers, waving an ear.

"No, that s not it," said the injured Banta, "mine had a pencil behind it!"

Telephone bill

2010-09-14T06:04:00.000-07:00

The man of the house called a family meeting...

On a Saturday morning...after breakfast...

*Dad:*

People this is unacceptable.

You have to limit the use of the phone.

I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

*Mum:*

Same here,

I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

*Son:*

Me too,

I never use the home phone.

I always use my company mobile.

*Maid:*

So - what is the problem?

We all use our work telephones !!!!!

Great man- Greater women

2010-09-07T06:01:00.000-07:00

One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn't too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the president's secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner. Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, why was he so interested in talking to you. She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, "so if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant" , to which Michelle responded, "No, if I had married him, he would now be President"

Finance management

2010-08-31T05:59:00.000-07:00

A beggar to another beggar: I had a grand dinner at Taj yesterday.

How? The other beggar asked.

First begger: Some one gave me a Rs 100/- note yesterday. I went to Taj and ordered dinner worth Rs 1,000/-, and enjoyed the dinner. When the bill came, I said, I had no money.

The Taj manager called the policeman, and handed me over to him.

I gave the Rs 100/- note to the police fellow, and he set me free.

A wonderful example of Financial Management indeed

Corporate cultures

2010-08-24T01:51:00.000-07:00

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Hilarious Corporate cartoons

2010-08-10T01:36:00.000-07:00

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Women never listen

2010-08-06T05:52:00.000-07:00

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!" The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will floc to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM- she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. "

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM- she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like to have a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers:

This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good

Male readers: Please scroll down.

The man had a heart attac ten times "milder" than his wife!!!

Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart .

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

How to scare a software engineer

2010-08-05T01:32:00.000-07:00

Great business tactics

2010-07-29T01:29:00.000-07:00

Baboo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice

Son : "I will choose my own bride!"

Baboo: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."

Son : "Well, in that case...ok"

Next Baboo approaches Bill Gates.

Baboo: "I have a husband for your daughter."

Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"

Baboo: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."

Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Baboo goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Baboo: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."

President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"

Baboo: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."

President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done!!

The obedient wife

2010-07-24T01:26:00.000-07:00

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife... "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,” Wait just a moment!" She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him.

“You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check.... If he can cash it, then he can spend it."

Not all rules can be followed

2009-12-13T05:20:00.000-08:00

A lady manager of a big reputed office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into her office.

"What is your name..?" was the first thing she asked the new guy. "John," the new guy replied.

She scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before,but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.

I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ...that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name..?" The new guy sighed, "Darling............ My name is John Darling." "Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . .." J

Smart boy

2009-09-28T06:57:00.000-07:00

Image source: Google

A lady lost her purse in a bustling department store. She searched everywhere she had visited, but just couldn`t find it.

Finally, a little boy approached her and asked, "Ma`am, is this your purse?"

Jubilantly, she grabbed the purse and cried, "Yes! Yes, it is! Thank you so much!"

Then she looked inside and was suddenly confused. "But how strange... when I lost it, I had only a hundred dollar bill, but now I have five twenties!"

The boy replied, "That`s because the last time I returned a lady`s purse, she didn`t have any change for a reward!"

Copy cats

2009-09-27T06:56:00.000-07:00

Image source: Google

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the Department Manager. Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions.

The manager went to the first applicant and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we`ve decided to give the job to the other applicant."

"And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct," asked the rejected applicant.

"We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the Department manager.

"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired.

"Simple, "said the Department manager, "Your fellow applicant put down on question No. 5, `I don`t know` and you put down, `Neither do I. "

Family tradition

2009-09-26T06:55:00.000-07:00

Image source: Google

Teacher: "Sam, you talk a lot!”

Johnny: "It`s a family tradition".

Teacher: "What do you mean?"

Johnny: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".

Teacher: "What about your mother?"

Johnny: "She`s a woman..."

Daughter's gift

2009-09-25T06:53:00.000-07:00

Image source:Google

So he announced `Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life.` Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued,

“My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me.”

The whole audience including priest started laughing.......... but not the poor groom!

Robot and Lies

2009-09-24T06:50:00.000-07:00

Image source:Google

Dad bought a robot that slapped on hearing a lie.

Dad to son: why are you so late?

Son to dad: Extra Class. robot slaps the son

Son: Movie

Dad: which one?

Son: bal ganesha. robot slaps son again

Son: katil javani

Dad: i never saw such movie when i was of ur age.

Robot slaps the father

Mom: Ofcourse he`ll lie, afterall he is your son.

then mom gets a slap. J

Sardar jokes

2009-07-25T00:24:00.000-07:00

Chappals outside a temple

Vegetarian chicken

2009-07-23T00:15:00.000-07:00

Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbours were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, “You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."

Santa’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighbourhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb but now yaara, you are a potato and tomato"!

Mail from a frustrated victim of chain mails

2009-07-21T00:13:00.000-07:00

Hilarious Mail from a frustrated victim of chain mails

I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008 and continuing it in 2009 also.

Because of your kindness:

* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.

* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.

* I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer...

* I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.

* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill with calls to Uganda, Pakistan, Singapore and Tokyo.

* I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine.

* When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times.. (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...)

* Still open to help somebody from Bulgaria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle's property of $ 100 million. So much trustworthy.

* Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Ganesh , Tirupathi Balaji pics etc.
Now most of those 'Wishes' are already married (to someone else)

School days

2009-07-19T23:58:00.000-07:00

Teacher: 'What is your name?'
Student: 'Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai.'
Teacher: 'When I ask a question in English, answer it in English.'
Student: 'My name is Sunlight.

Teacher: 'What is your name?'.
Student: 'My name is Beautiful Red Underwear'
Teacher: 'What kind of a name is this? Don't joke tell me the right name'
Student: 'My name is Sunderlal Chadda."

Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhiji was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhiji was four years old.

Teacher: What is the full form of maths?
Student: Mentally affected teachers harassing students

Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
Student: BROTHERLY LOVE

Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August?
Student: A holiday

Teacher: 'Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? '
Johnny: 'Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time.'

Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)

Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs3/kg...Then, what is my age?
Student: 32 yrs.
Teacher: How do you know?
Student: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

Sardar jokes

2009-07-17T23:45:00.000-07:00

Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"

Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it....

A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide your kids, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR

Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not Screaming like all d passengers in d car he was Driving..

A Teacher lecturing on population:
"In Indi a after every 10 secs a women gives birth to a kid. "
A Sardar stands up- "We must find & stop her!. "

A man: "Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening not in the morning?"
Sardarji: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.
And finds It means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!"

Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.

Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess what...
To avoid side effects!!!

Man: Sardarji where were U born?
Sardarji: Punjab .
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar".

Lawyer to Sardar: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke....... "
Sardar :"Yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir gita pe haath!!"

A Sardar saw a beautiful girl... He went and kissed her....
Girl said- "What R U doing...?"
Sardar replied- " B.COM from Khalsa college, Chandigar"

Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.
I don't know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever I call someone and says "please recharge your card"

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For Best Results put on Two Coats"

A sardar was drawing money from ATM,
The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). "
The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"

Q:) How do U recognize a sardar in school or College???
A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard.. . BOLO tarara!!

Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?
A:) Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept....... .

Santa Singh MBBS
After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice..
He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.
Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!

Board exam Question paper

2009-07-15T23:14:00.000-07:00

Click to enlarge

Before and After marriage

2009-07-13T23:12:00.000-07:00

Before Marriage - - -

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course! Over and over!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why are you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Every chance I get!

She: Will you hit me?

He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.

She: Darling!

After marriage - - -

simply read from bottom to top.

Sardarji in US

2009-07-11T23:00:00.000-07:00

Sardarji went to US to live with his brother. Sardarji's Brother owns an apple shop in US. One day he asked his brother to stay at the shop because he had to go somewhere. He asked his brother if somebody comes to shop and ask for the apple's price, tell them $2 a pound. If somebody questions whether these apples are sweet or sour, tell them some are sweet and some are not. If some body says I do not want to buy, tell them somebody else will buy. Now the sardarji was ready to sell the apples.

A lady comes and asks sardarji, Do you know what time it is ? Sardarji replied $2 a pound. Lady said; all sardarji's are idiot and fools.

Sardarji replied, some are some are not.

Lady got frustrated and said, I will take you to police station.

Sardarji replied, if you will not take me some body else will take.

Perception

2009-07-09T22:53:00.000-07:00

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure,

In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant, In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant, In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant, In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant,

In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant,

In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant,

And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant!

Identifying an Indian..An untested one

2009-07-07T22:50:00.000-07:00

1. Everything you eat is savoured in garlic, onion and tomatoes .

2.. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.

3. You are Always standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.

4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.

5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.

6. You recycle Wedding Gifts, Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts.

7. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam, Kamini & Shamini.)

8. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.

9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says 'No Food Allowed' .

10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

11. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.

12. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.

13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other 'Uncles and Aunties' will think.

14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used, as it is for special occasions, which never happen.

15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.

16. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.

18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with purchase of other stuff )

19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).

20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.

21. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it that way).

23. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.

24. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.

25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are travelling by bus, train or plane.

26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.

27. Your wedding gifts are mostly in cash with a one rupee coin added to the note in a cover.

28. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle or Aunty.

30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.

31. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.

32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.

33. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.

34. All your Tupperware is stained with food colour.

35. You have drinking glasses made of steel.

36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.

Dont show to your wife or mil

2009-07-05T22:46:00.000-07:00

A man was leaving a cafe when he noticed an unusual funeral. A funeral coffin was followed by a second one. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line. The man couldn't stand his curiosity.

He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line.
Whose funeral is it?"

The man replied, "That first coffin is for my wife."

What happened to her?"

"My dog attacked and killed her."

"Well, who is in the second coffin? "

"My Mother-in-Law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."

A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the first one asks in excitement, "Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Join the queue."

IAS Interview

2009-07-03T19:27:00.000-07:00

One young man went for an IAS Interview.

"When did India get independence?" He was asked.

"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.

"Who was responsible for our independence?"

"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another." He replied.

"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"

"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.

The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.

When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.

Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him." By the way, what is your date of birth?"

He replied, "The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."

Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?"

He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another".

The interviewer was incensed.

"Hey! Are you mad or what?"

He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."

Sardarji and Psychatrist

2009-07-01T19:24:00.000-07:00

Sardarji: Ever since I was a child, I have always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

Doctor: 'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears..'

'How much do you charge?'

'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.

'I'll sleep on it,' sardarji said.

Six months later the doctor met him on the street. 'Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now! ! !

Laloo and Bill Gates

2009-06-29T19:21:00.000-07:00

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference :
"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet ----- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.

Santa and Banta

2009-06-26T03:09:00.000-07:00

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Santa: Tipu's skeleton.

Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?

Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child

Boss: Where were you born?

sardar : Punjab ..

Boss : which part ?

sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in PUNJAB.

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.

Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.

sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.

Sardar : What is the name of your car ?

Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.

Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi

petrol se start hoti hai.

Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.

sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.

Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.

Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.

Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

In an interview,

Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?

Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....

Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.

Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?

Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

Banta: U cheated me.

Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.

Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.

Banta: Thank God! I thought it was a new one.

How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?

Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it....

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein

Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!

Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated...

drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

Riddles and jokes

2009-06-24T03:07:00.000-07:00

What is the most slippery country in the world?
Greece

What is the best hand to write with?
Neither - it's best to write with a pen

What kind of fish can't swim?
Dead ones

What sort of animal is a slug?
A snail with a housing problem

If two's company and three a crowd, what are four and five?
Nine

PUNS

The pharaohs of Egypt worked out the first pyramid scheme.

A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

High jumpers do well at the Olympics because it's always on a leap year.

I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was finnished and told the waiter "Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite." (Mike Bull)

California is the land of earthquakes and suntans, in short, shake and bake.

MISSOURI asked me to borrow MISSISSIPPI's NEW JERSEY. I said "I don't know, ALASKA."

A husband and his wife had an appointment with their eye doctor. When they arrived at his new office it was obvious that he was still in the process of moving in. A large picture of a very pretty woman was conspicuously displayed in the reception room. The husband pointed to
the picture and asked the doctor, "Is that your wife?" He replied with, "No, that's her picture."

Tired of lunch

2009-06-22T03:04:00.000-07:00

A Gujrati, a Madrasi and a Sardaar were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were having lunch and Gujju opened his lunch box & said, "Dhokla! If I get dhokla one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Madrasi opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Idli Sambhar again! IfI get idli sambhar one more time I'm going to jump off too."

The Sardaar opened his lunch and said, "Parontha again! If I get aparontha one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box, saw dhokla, and jumped to his death.
The Madrasi opened his lunch, saw idli sambhar, and jumped, too.

The Sardaar opened his lunch, saw the parontha and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, Gujju's wife was weeping.. She said, "If I'd knownhow really tired he was of dhokla, I never would have given it to himagain!"

The Madrasi's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him dossa!I didn't realize he hated idli sambhar so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the Sardaar's wife.

Scroll down for her answer
.....
..
....
..
....
..
....
..
..
....
..
....
..
..

....
The Sardaar's wife said,
"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."

Indian hell

2009-06-20T03:02:00.000-07:00

An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"

He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in? "Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the cafeteria... "

The former US president at his best

2009-06-18T02:51:00.000-07:00

ONLY ONE MAN IN THE WORLD TO HAVE HIS HEART IN THE ABDOMEN!

Singh is King

2009-06-16T02:45:00.000-07:00

Interviewer:
what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR

Manager asked to sardar at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 15 letters in it?
Sardar replied: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, 'Gandhi was a great man, but I don't know who is
Jayanthi.

When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror. Sardar shouted, 'You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.

Interviewer: just imagine you are in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

God and management

2009-06-14T02:43:00.000-07:00

Rajan visits God and says "God, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?" God says "No, ask me anything at all."

So the man says "God, you've been around for a very long time, so, for you, how long is a thousand years?"

God replies "For me, a thousand years is only five minutes."

The man then says "That's interesting God. And, for you, how much is a million Rupees?"

God replies "For me, a million Rupees is only five Paisa."

The man says "Really? Well then God, could you lend me five Paisa please?"

God looks at the man, smiles, and says "Of course my son. Just wait five minutes!"

Letter from Banta's mom

2009-06-12T02:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Banta,
Vahe Guru !

I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.
I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to bring our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the commode. I'm not sure it works.. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since..

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is really badmash. He told her that two-piece swimming suit is not allowed in this club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

P.S: Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.

Recession in lighter vein

2009-06-09T21:06:00.000-07:00

Ali baba and forty thieves is now Ali baba thirty thieves…10 were laid off!

Batman and Robin is now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired Robin and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at the same rate!!

Ironman now "air-pooling" with Superman to save fuel costs?!!

Women finally marrying for love! And not money!

Husbands asking their father-in-laws for a "bailout"!

The only "deposits" being made on a Ferrari are the ones made by birds flying over them.

Q: With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way to make a small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.

Q: What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.

The credit crunch is getting bad isn't it? I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I'm now America 's third biggest lender.

Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning? Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.

Q: What's the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?
A: In a few weeks, nothing.

Dow Jones is re-branded as "Down Jones".

Goodyear is now re-branded as "Bad Year".

Money talks. Trouble is, its knows only one word - goodbye.

Greatest magician

2009-06-07T21:04:00.000-07:00

Three world famous magicians were in the bar drinking and boasting about their achievements.

The first one said," During my latest show, I made three women from the audience disappear, it was so convincing that their relatives started panicking, no one could find the trick"

The second one said, " Hey, that is nothing, during one of my open air shows I made the Municipality building disappear and the entire town was searching for it"

The third one sighed and said," Both of you are so local, I went to Paris and made the Eiffel Tower disappear for a full one hour, it was live on the TV, entire France was searching for the building & no one had a clue".

Just then an Indian walked into the bar and the three magicians suddenly turned quiet, gave each other fugitive glances and started to slip towards the door.

A Bartender watching this got curious and asked one of the magicians, "Hey what happened ? Who is that guy ? "

One of the magicians whispered, "He is the World's greatest magician, he has done the biggest disappearing trick of all times, we are all mere amateurs compared with what he has done. His name is Ramalinga Raju . He has made USD 1.5 billion disappear from his company's balance sheet in front of everyone's eyes, and the entire world is still looking for it.

Banta singh quits drinking

2009-06-05T21:02:00.000-07:00

Banta Singh walks into a bar in London , orders 3 glasses of beer and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more.

The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in The glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time."

Banta Singh replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai , the other in Canada and I'm here in London . When they left home, we promised that we'll drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits this is a nice custom and leaves it there.

Banta Singh became a regular in the bar and would always drink the same way. He'd order 3 Beers and drink them in turn.

One day, he came in and ordered only 2 Beers. All the other regulars noticed and fell silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bar tender says," I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere condolences on your great loss."

Banta Singh looked confused for a moment, and then he laughs.... "Oh, no," He said, "Everyone's fine; both my brothers are alive. The only thing is..................

(Scroll down for the answer)
...............
................
...............
...............
...............

I just quit drinking"!!!

Newton and Rajnikant

2009-06-03T20:14:00.000-07:00

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes

1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!

2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster.. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess what he does. Nah? Not even in your remotest imaginations.

He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun....Bang.. .the gangster dies...

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast! <> The 'climax' finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax. (Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)

Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air.The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton Commits Suicide!!!

Sardar in US

2008-07-22T19:57:00.001-07:00

Office Humor

2008-07-16T05:27:00.000-07:00

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increment, no commendation. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager. His manager looked at him, smiled and asked him to sit down saying:

"My friend you have not worked here for even a single day." The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager: How many days are there in a year?

Man: 365 days and sometimes 366.

Manager: How many hours make up a day?

Man: 24 Hours.

Manager: How long do u work in a day?

Man: 10am to 6pm i.e 8 hours a day.

Manager: So, what fraction of the day do u work in hours?

Man: He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 i.e 1/3 (one third).

Manager: This is nice of u! what is 1/3rd of 366 days?

Man: 122(1/3 x 366=122 in days)

Manager: Do u come to work on weekends?

Man: No sir.

Manager: How many days r there in a year that r weekends?

Man: 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days.

Manager: Thanks for that. If u remove 104 days from 122 days. how many days do u now have?

Man: 18 days.

Manager: I do give u 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do u have remaining?

Man: 4 days.

Manager: Do u work on Republic Day?

Man: No sir!

Manager: Do u come to work on Independance Day?

Man: No sir!

Manager: So how many days r left?

Man: 2 days Sir!

Manager: Do u come to work on New Years Day?

Man: No sir!

Manager: So how many days r left?

Man: 1 day sir!

Manager: Do u work on Christmas Day?

Man: No Sir!

Manager: So how many days r left?

Man: None Sir!

Manager: So what r u claiming?

Man: I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing company money all these days.

Moral-NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!

HR-HIGH RISK.

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Santa and Banta

2008-07-16T05:08:00.000-07:00

Titanic was sinking.

An Englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"?
Santa: 2 KMs.

Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?

Santa: Downwards!

**********

Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators.

**********

How did Santa tried to kill a bird??

He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.

*********

Santa: I have swallowed a Kay.

Doctor: When?

Santa: 3 months back!

Doctor: What were you doing till now?

Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.

*********

Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. It's ****. Santa: U r wrong. It's 1394.

*********

Santa falls in love with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."

*********

Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?

Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.

*********

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?

Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

*********

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.

Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.

Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.

*********

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!

Santa: Why don't u cook something else? .

**********

An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.

Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?

Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!

***********

Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?

Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..

***********

Ultimate answer while changing the job.

Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?

Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where.

************

Santa and Banta went for a drive.

Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?

Banta puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!"

************

Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...

Finally, Santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.

************

Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing?

Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.

************

Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The steering, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.

After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.

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Kids think Quick

2008-07-08T05:21:00.000-07:00

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : Maria!

TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!

TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!

TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand

TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;

TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.

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Cartoons

2008-03-28T05:49:00.000-07:00

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Marriage ... Husbands And Wives

2008-03-28T04:44:00.000-07:00

* Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

* Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

* Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

* Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

* It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

* It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives !

* A man who surrenders when he's wrong, is Honest. A man who surrenders when not Sure, is Wise. A man who surrenders even if he's Right, is a Husband.

* If u r married please ignore this msg, for everyone else: Happy Independence Day

* There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage

* Aadmi shaadi kyon karta hai?
Takee vo marne ke baad agar Swarg jaye to achcha feel kare aur agar Nark jaye to homely feel kare...

* Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding?
To tell each other affectionately... Sweetheart U R Dead!

* Different Phases of a man:
After engagement: Superman
After Marriage: Gentleman
After 10 years: Watchman
After 20 years: Doberman
* There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it. There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it

* Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

* Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

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Little Johny

2008-03-28T04:39:00.000-07:00

TEACHER: Why are you late?

L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.

TEACHER: What sign?

L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the

floor?

L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?

L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?

L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.

GEORGE: Here it is!

TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?

L-JOHNY: George!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

L-JOHNY: Me!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?

L-JOHNY: Well , I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?

FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?

L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?

L-JOHNY: Don't bite any.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".

L-JOHNY: I is...

TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."

L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"

L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

L-Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?

Father : No. Why do you ask that?

L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!

L- Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the

same at home.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?

L-Johnny: Brotherly love.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?

L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?

L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

L-Johnny : A teacher

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Banta Singh's Letter to Bill Gates

2008-03-28T04:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. After connecting to Internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.

3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur money.

9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?

Best regards,
Banta Singh

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Sardar Jokes

2008-02-02T21:40:00.001-08:00

Sardar at bar in New York.
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"
***********************************************

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but??
how much is DRIVING salary...?
***********************************************

Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light
is not needed!!!
***********************************************

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...
***********************************************
Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office....
****************************** *****************

Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and
says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion......
....... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"
***********************************************

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
***********************************************

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
***********************************************

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......
***********************************************

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the
exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father
in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
***********************************************

Interviewer: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewer : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....
***********************************************

Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......

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Too much technology

2008-02-02T21:17:00.000-08:00

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The Bangalore Survival Kit

2008-02-02T18:41:00.000-08:00

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Driving In India

2008-02-02T18:34:00.001-08:00

One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window.
- Sydney
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn
- Japan
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator...
- Boston
Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror
- New York
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat
- Italy
One hand on horn,
one hand greeting,
one ear on cell phone,
one ear listening to loud music,
foot on accelerator,
eyes on female pedestrians,
conversation with someone in the car
- Welcome to India!

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Same Service

2007-10-04T00:42:00.000-07:00

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.

Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."

"Why complain?" said the counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"

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Fax Message

2007-10-04T00:41:00.000-07:00

" Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms.

" Why, Dad ? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."

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Wedding Ring

2007-10-04T00:40:00.000-07:00

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? "

The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

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Love your Enemy

2007-10-04T00:39:00.000-07:00

From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy."

"Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."

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Divorce !!!!!!!!!!!

2007-10-04T00:37:00.000-07:00

In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband."

"But why ?" asked the judge. She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."

The judge asked, "How do you know ?" She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."

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Cost of a Telephone Call

2007-09-28T07:10:00.000-07:00

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the World.

So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he Noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call".

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what The telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the Same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and He asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 He Could talk to God.

"O.K., thank you," said the American.

He then traveled to Pakistan , Srilanka , Russia , Germany and France .

In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 Per call" sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India to See if Indians had the same phone.

He arrived in India , and again, in the first church he entered, there Was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One Rupee per call."

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
"Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden Telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, But in the US the price was $10,000 per call.

Why is it so cheap here?"

Readers, it is your turn........ Think ....before you scroll down...

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The priest smiled and answered, "You're in India now, Son - it's a Local Call ".
This is the only heaven on the Earth.

KEEP SMILING

If you are proud to be an Indian pass this on!!!

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Two Wishes

2007-09-28T07:05:00.000-07:00

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks for their orders. The man says,

"A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich,

"What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please," she says and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again later in the week.

"The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "But what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

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Rajnikant and Jayalalitha

2007-08-16T21:55:00.000-07:00

There is a popular story saying that wherever you go, you will find at least one Rajinikanth fan.

Here is an interesting new story.

Rajinikanth was bragging to Jayalalitha one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know.

Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, Jayalalitha called his bluff, "OK, Rajini how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it" Rajini said.

So Rajini and Jayalalitha fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts

"Thalaiva! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!".

Although impressed, Jayalalitha is still skeptical.

After they leave Cruise's house, she tells Rajini that she thinks Rajini knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else" Rajini says.

"President Bush", Jayalalitha quickly retorts.

"Yes", Rajini says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington".

And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Rajini on the tour and motions him , saying,

"Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up".

Well, Jayalalitha is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White House grounds, he implores her to name anyone else.

"The Pope," Jayalalitha replies.

"Sure!" says Rajini, "My folks are from Germany and I've known the Pope a long time".

So off they fly to Rome. Rajini and Jayalalitha are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Rajini says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people.

Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.

Sure enough, half an hour later Rajini emerges with the Pope on the balcony..

But by the time Rajini returns, he finds that Jayalalitha had a Heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to Jayalalitha's side, Rajini asks her, "What happened?"

Jayalalitha looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said,

'Who's that on the balcony with Rajini?' "

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Nice Similarities

2007-08-16T21:51:00.000-07:00

Similarities between (Girls and Windows) and (Boys and Linux)

1.Girls and Windows

Both have a great UI.
Both consume large resources and do less work.
Both crash unexpectedly.
Both are not easily portable on different architectures (environment).
Both can't work on low resource architectures (environment).
Both are costly to maintain.
Both give mostly unexpected outputs.
Both's working often contradicts with their documentation.
Both are easily prone to viruses (rumors and doubts) and they (viruses) do spread very fast in windows based networks.
In spite of all above disadvantages, both are liked.

2.Boys and Linux

Both have an average UI.
Both are robust.
Both are highly secure.
Both can be easily modified to support new concepts/features.
Both are efficient.
Both are easily portable to any architecture (environment) no matter how low are resources.
You can easily guess the output for your input (in Linux just open its code, for boys they are mostly transparent by nature).
Both provide large support for development (work environment).

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Laloo Prasad and Rabri Devi

2007-08-15T23:15:00.000-07:00

Laloo Prasad Yadav died. Rabri Devi (his wife) was very worried whether Laloo would be able to make it to heaven, so she decided to try & contact his spirit by having a seance. (black magic used to contact the dead).
Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, Laloo's voice was heard answering, "Helloooooooo Rabri, this is meeee..."

"Oh dear Lalooji," she answered. "I just need to know if you're happy there in your after-life. What's it like there?"

"Ooooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Laloo answered. "The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected .... and, above all, there is no scam! And the only thing we do, all day long is eat and sleep, eat and sleep,over and over."

"Thank God, you reached heaven," his Rabri cried, wiping some tears.

"Heaven?" he answered. "What heaven?

I'm reborn..... I'm a buffalo in Switzerland."

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Sardar Joke

2007-08-15T07:27:00.000-07:00

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".
***********************************************

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but??
how much is DRIVING salary...?
***********************************************

Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!!
***********************************************

Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post office....
***********************************************

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
***********************************************

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
***********************************************

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS, SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
***********************************************

Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....
***********************************************

Amitabh : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitabh stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......

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A Smart Woman

2007-08-13T23:07:00.000-07:00

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.
They were unable to decide who would let go, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids and for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping.

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A Prayer

2007-08-13T23:06:00.001-07:00

A Prayer...... .

Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord,
if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.

Amen!

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Staying Married from Female Point of View

2007-08-13T23:05:00.000-07:00

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.

They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two croche ted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue.

She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. "but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."

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To be Six Again

2007-08-13T23:03:00.000-07:00

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

I'd like to be six again, she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favourite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her Husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her __expression suddenly changed.

"I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!"

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it wrong.

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Newton Commits Suicide !!!!!!

2007-08-13T23:01:00.001-07:00

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes

1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!

2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster.. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess what he does. Nah? Not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun....Bang.. .the gangster dies...

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast! <> The 'climax' finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax. (Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)

Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air.The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton Commits Suicide!!!

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Identifying Cities in India

2007-08-13T22:58:00.000-07:00

How to identify cities in INDIA??

Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in Kolkata

Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks On.
That's Mumbai

Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace. The first two get together & beat him up.
That's Delhi

Scenario 4

Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a chai-stall
That's Ahmedabad.

Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the program.
That's Bangalore

Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and Quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes in.
That's Chennai.

Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are DEFINITELY IN PUNJAB

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Judge's Dilemma

2007-08-13T22:34:00.000-07:00

In a court trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.
He approached her and asked; "Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me.
You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three
different women.
One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said:
"If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."

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Cost of Brain

2007-08-13T22:32:00.000-07:00

The relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.

"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.

It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.

Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a female brain, and $200 for a male brain."

The moment turned awkward. Women in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the men, but some actually smirked.

A woman unable to control her curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the female brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group,

"It's just standard pricing procedure.

We have to mark down the price of the male brains, because they've actually been used."

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Laugh and Enjoy

Learning alphabets the Punjabi way

The Art of Appraisal

Rajini all the way

Marriage Humor

Oxymoron

Rajnikant and Amitabh

Kick start words

Two questions in life

Benefits of Yoga and Drinking

English Hospitality ??

Appraisal Tshirt collection

Good to read

Careers based on results

Top 10 stupid questions

Black robbers

Taking it as it is

Rupee symbol interpretation

Hope !!!!!

Thoughts from Man's heart

Men and women talk

Computer savvy

Santa and Banta

Telephone bill

Great man- Greater women

Finance management

Corporate cultures

Hilarious Corporate cartoons

Women never listen

How to scare a software engineer

Great business tactics

The obedient wife

Not all rules can be followed

Smart boy

Copy cats

Family tradition

Daughter's gift

Robot and Lies

Sardar jokes

Vegetarian chicken

Mail from a frustrated victim of chain mails

School days

Sardar jokes

Board exam Question paper

Before and After marriage

Sardarji in US

Perception

Identifying an Indian..An untested one

Dont show to your wife or mil

IAS Interview

Sardarji and Psychatrist

Laloo and Bill Gates

Santa and Banta

Riddles and jokes

Tired of lunch

Indian hell

The former US president at his best

Singh is King

God and management

Letter from Banta's mom

Recession in lighter vein

Greatest magician

Banta singh quits drinking

Newton and Rajnikant

Sardar in US

Office Humor

Santa and Banta

Kids think Quick

Cartoons

Marriage ... Husbands And Wives

Little Johny

Banta Singh's Letter to Bill Gates

Sardar Jokes

Too much technology

The Bangalore Survival Kit

Driving In India

Same Service

Fax Message

Wedding Ring

Love your Enemy